Keep trying

Spin class Thursday and today. Actually woke up and went. It always makes me feel better, it's just so hard to get to the gym. Someone needs to invent a service that takes you to the gym weather you feel like going or not. Maybe name it 'Drag you to the gym'-- 'We force you to when you can't force yourself'.

I really do want to do the half marathon. I hear you need to train to do something like that. I'm enrolled in a training group. I need to get in shape enough to attend the half marathon training group though. I made a very neat and colorful schedule of working out and fun for the next 3 weeks to help be able to manage be able to be part of the training group.

I think the SAM-e is helping. I'm seeing my body as it looks in reality not my head. Reality is not as nice as my mental image of myself.

Also, it's 6 weeks to Leakey. Where the main item of clothing is a bathing suit and a can of beer.

I ate a whole bag of salad last night and I don't even feel bad about it.

Gotta love Costco and the salad in a bag! It's even organic and low fat salad dressing.

Also loving Amy's low fat low sodium split pea soup. All vegetables, no fat and low on salt (which I add some back).

Emotional Eating

From Dr. Judith Beck

Our dieter Rose has a very stressful situation coming up this week and so we spent a lot of today discussing emotional eating and strategies for not falling prey to it. Lots of dieters are like Rose. They feel entitled to eat when they’re distressed. “If I’m upset, I should be able to eat.” Often, they feel as if they don’t have a choice. “If I’m upset, I have to eat.” It’s important for them to recognize that people without a weight problem usually do not turn to food when they’re upset. They try to solve the problem, turn to others for support, distract themselves, or simply tolerate the feeling.

These are the strategies that Rose needs to learn. But first, she needs to label her experience. “I’m not hungry. I just want to eat because I’m upset. But if I eat, it will only be a temporary ‘fix.’ I’ll feel so much worse afterwards.”

Ultimately, we want Rose to learn that she doesn’t have to do anything when she’s upset. Negative emotions won’t harm her and they’ll subside even if she does nothing. But as an intermediate step, we advised Rose to make a long list of things she can do to comfort or distract herself, such as taking a walk, checking her email, calling her best friend, writing in a journal, listening to a relaxation tape, and taking a hot bath. We asked Rose to try at least five things every time she feels upset. We told her she needed to have about 20 experiences in a row of not eating for emotional reasons in order to really feel confident that she has broken the habit of turning to food for comfort.

What are some of the things you do, other than eating, when you’re upset and have an uncomfortable urge to eat?

Some of our dieters have been recently dealing with the issue of emotional eating. Diana in particular has noticed this because she’s coming up to the anniversary of a loved one’s death. What’s interesting about Diana’s situation is that originally she wasn’t even fully aware that the anniversary was looming; instead she just noticed feeling more emotional and having an intensifying desire to eat to comfort or distract herself.

During the group today we discussed that dieters need to remind themselves that eating will only serve as a temporary distraction; it won’t solve the problem. And actually, unplanned eating will only cause dieters to have two problems – the original problem, and now the additional problem of going off plan, feeling weak and out of control, and potentially gaining weight. Dieters need to squarely ask themselves, “Do I want to have one problem or two?”

It’s also helpful for dieters to remember that there is no direct link between feeling bad and eating. Naturally thin people, and people who have lost weight and maintained their weight loss, don’t turn to food for comfort. The former often don’t because it doesn’t even occur to them, and maintainers don’t because they know that they simply can’t emotionally eat if they want to keep the weight off; they know that they have to find other ways to find comfort.

We also discussed the notion that negative emotions are a part of life, and that it’s okay to feel badly sometimes. We live in a feel-good society where many people think that experiencing negative emotions is somehow bad or wrong. It’s important for dieters to learn that they can tolerate feeling bad and that it’s perfectly normal.

To deal with this difficult time, Diana is going to try praying more often and drinking soothing hot tea. She’s going to remind herself that negative emotions are a part of life, and that at the end of the day she’d rather only feel bad about one thing and not two. As she succinctly put it, “Time does heal you. Food does not.”

I'm an impulsive person

I'm so impulsive. I'm returning the juicer. I can barely choke down the juice. I would rather eat 12 million salads than drink this juice. Plus I've spent all my money and I don't have anything for New Years...

Back at the beginninng

So, i'm back where I started. Almost 300 lbs and unhappy. I've given up drugs, alcohol and cigarettes so I can't blame it on any of those factors. While you would think quitting all those other things would make it easier to loose weight, so far it hasn't. Although, it did take a couple of tries to quit each one. So, I keep trying to loose weight. Don't give up.

I bought a juicer the other day. Then I went to Whole Foods and bought like $100 of vegetables and fruit. Yesterday I ate almost realistically (if you count 10 mini veggie spring rolls as realistic...). Today I made my first juice. It's making me burp a lot, and my burps taste like grass. My intestines are probably confused. 'What is this? We don't usually deal with this kind of stuff. ' I hope they get used to it. I hope my taste buds get used to it. I don't think it tastes specifically bad. I was just really scared by the bright red color from the beet I put in. I'm not an adventurous eater and it really scares me. I'm thinking about adding something to today's juice to lighten it up a bit. It's kinda dense.

I'm doing a cleanse. I figured it was a good way to start the year. So this is me trying to alkalize my body before I start the colon cleanse. Lots of fruits and vegetables.

One choice at a time.

New Mental Strategy

So i'm taking this class...interpersonal communication. and we were talking about self fulfilling prophesy and self esteem related to goals. the professor was talking about how a goal of 4.0 gpa is unreasonable. and i was sitting there thinking that it's not an unrealistic goal depending on your abilities, especially since that's one of my goals. this made me think about how many times i didn't acheive a 4.0 gpa and what i'm doing now to accompish this goal. now, i have my acute powers of focus used for studying, i make the time and prioritize my studying, and i know i can make A's so I believe in myself.

in a light bulb moment, i decided to try and apply the same strategy to weight loss. i think i've been trying to loose weight still believeing that i'm ultimately going to fail. i'm going to work on my self fullfiling prophesy in relation to weight loss. i think this will be difficult. I'm noticing that i tend to cram at the last minute for just about everything and i don't think this strategy will work for weight loss since I have to work every day to be sucessful at weight loss. and I have to maintaine the same strategy day after day for the rest of my life. still lots of work to be done to be successful at being healthy.

I've been hovering around 260-265 for the last 2-3 months. and my goal for the rest of the year is to get down to around 240-245. this equals 7 lbs a month. ok, so i don't think i can do 7 lbs a month, so we'll see what i'm acutally able to do.

Leakey Challenge

I'm challenging myself to reach 50 pounds lost by Friday at Leakey. This will be a 16 pounds in 7 weeks challenge. I got my new heart rate monitor today,(I wore the old one out/ and it's a better version of the one I used to use-Yippee!!!) I've got my calorie book ready, and I've got perfectly (I measured) portion meals ready (at least for the next week).