I ate a whole bag of salad last night and I don't even feel bad about it.

Gotta love Costco and the salad in a bag! It's even organic and low fat salad dressing.

Also loving Amy's low fat low sodium split pea soup. All vegetables, no fat and low on salt (which I add some back).

Emotional Eating

From Dr. Judith Beck

Our dieter Rose has a very stressful situation coming up this week and so we spent a lot of today discussing emotional eating and strategies for not falling prey to it. Lots of dieters are like Rose. They feel entitled to eat when they’re distressed. “If I’m upset, I should be able to eat.” Often, they feel as if they don’t have a choice. “If I’m upset, I have to eat.” It’s important for them to recognize that people without a weight problem usually do not turn to food when they’re upset. They try to solve the problem, turn to others for support, distract themselves, or simply tolerate the feeling.

These are the strategies that Rose needs to learn. But first, she needs to label her experience. “I’m not hungry. I just want to eat because I’m upset. But if I eat, it will only be a temporary ‘fix.’ I’ll feel so much worse afterwards.”

Ultimately, we want Rose to learn that she doesn’t have to do anything when she’s upset. Negative emotions won’t harm her and they’ll subside even if she does nothing. But as an intermediate step, we advised Rose to make a long list of things she can do to comfort or distract herself, such as taking a walk, checking her email, calling her best friend, writing in a journal, listening to a relaxation tape, and taking a hot bath. We asked Rose to try at least five things every time she feels upset. We told her she needed to have about 20 experiences in a row of not eating for emotional reasons in order to really feel confident that she has broken the habit of turning to food for comfort.

What are some of the things you do, other than eating, when you’re upset and have an uncomfortable urge to eat?

Some of our dieters have been recently dealing with the issue of emotional eating. Diana in particular has noticed this because she’s coming up to the anniversary of a loved one’s death. What’s interesting about Diana’s situation is that originally she wasn’t even fully aware that the anniversary was looming; instead she just noticed feeling more emotional and having an intensifying desire to eat to comfort or distract herself.

During the group today we discussed that dieters need to remind themselves that eating will only serve as a temporary distraction; it won’t solve the problem. And actually, unplanned eating will only cause dieters to have two problems – the original problem, and now the additional problem of going off plan, feeling weak and out of control, and potentially gaining weight. Dieters need to squarely ask themselves, “Do I want to have one problem or two?”

It’s also helpful for dieters to remember that there is no direct link between feeling bad and eating. Naturally thin people, and people who have lost weight and maintained their weight loss, don’t turn to food for comfort. The former often don’t because it doesn’t even occur to them, and maintainers don’t because they know that they simply can’t emotionally eat if they want to keep the weight off; they know that they have to find other ways to find comfort.

We also discussed the notion that negative emotions are a part of life, and that it’s okay to feel badly sometimes. We live in a feel-good society where many people think that experiencing negative emotions is somehow bad or wrong. It’s important for dieters to learn that they can tolerate feeling bad and that it’s perfectly normal.

To deal with this difficult time, Diana is going to try praying more often and drinking soothing hot tea. She’s going to remind herself that negative emotions are a part of life, and that at the end of the day she’d rather only feel bad about one thing and not two. As she succinctly put it, “Time does heal you. Food does not.”

I'm an impulsive person

I'm so impulsive. I'm returning the juicer. I can barely choke down the juice. I would rather eat 12 million salads than drink this juice. Plus I've spent all my money and I don't have anything for New Years...

Back at the beginninng

So, i'm back where I started. Almost 300 lbs and unhappy. I've given up drugs, alcohol and cigarettes so I can't blame it on any of those factors. While you would think quitting all those other things would make it easier to loose weight, so far it hasn't. Although, it did take a couple of tries to quit each one. So, I keep trying to loose weight. Don't give up.

I bought a juicer the other day. Then I went to Whole Foods and bought like $100 of vegetables and fruit. Yesterday I ate almost realistically (if you count 10 mini veggie spring rolls as realistic...). Today I made my first juice. It's making me burp a lot, and my burps taste like grass. My intestines are probably confused. 'What is this? We don't usually deal with this kind of stuff. ' I hope they get used to it. I hope my taste buds get used to it. I don't think it tastes specifically bad. I was just really scared by the bright red color from the beet I put in. I'm not an adventurous eater and it really scares me. I'm thinking about adding something to today's juice to lighten it up a bit. It's kinda dense.

I'm doing a cleanse. I figured it was a good way to start the year. So this is me trying to alkalize my body before I start the colon cleanse. Lots of fruits and vegetables.

One choice at a time.

New Mental Strategy

So i'm taking this class...interpersonal communication. and we were talking about self fulfilling prophesy and self esteem related to goals. the professor was talking about how a goal of 4.0 gpa is unreasonable. and i was sitting there thinking that it's not an unrealistic goal depending on your abilities, especially since that's one of my goals. this made me think about how many times i didn't acheive a 4.0 gpa and what i'm doing now to accompish this goal. now, i have my acute powers of focus used for studying, i make the time and prioritize my studying, and i know i can make A's so I believe in myself.

in a light bulb moment, i decided to try and apply the same strategy to weight loss. i think i've been trying to loose weight still believeing that i'm ultimately going to fail. i'm going to work on my self fullfiling prophesy in relation to weight loss. i think this will be difficult. I'm noticing that i tend to cram at the last minute for just about everything and i don't think this strategy will work for weight loss since I have to work every day to be sucessful at weight loss. and I have to maintaine the same strategy day after day for the rest of my life. still lots of work to be done to be successful at being healthy.

I've been hovering around 260-265 for the last 2-3 months. and my goal for the rest of the year is to get down to around 240-245. this equals 7 lbs a month. ok, so i don't think i can do 7 lbs a month, so we'll see what i'm acutally able to do.

Leakey Challenge

I'm challenging myself to reach 50 pounds lost by Friday at Leakey. This will be a 16 pounds in 7 weeks challenge. I got my new heart rate monitor today,(I wore the old one out/ and it's a better version of the one I used to use-Yippee!!!) I've got my calorie book ready, and I've got perfectly (I measured) portion meals ready (at least for the next week).

first successful week eating

I was up 10 pounds...now I'm only up 5. So, I've gotten more on tract! I've started exercising by doing outdoor activities. I've started with hiking. I want to do some kayaking, but due to my shoulder I've decided to wait. After this weekend I'll be able to start doing my shoulder exercises to try and rehab it, then I can start doing arm things again (swimming, rock climbing, and kayaking).

I think that going back to school has helped me get back on tract. I eat my shakes as breakfast so that really starts me out on the right foot. I'm always more focused when I'm busy due to the amount of planning I have to do to make sure everything gets done. To help me continue with this positive forward progress I've planned out a healthy one dish meal (easy to transport and store) for this week. I made up the recipe, or at least I will when I start cooking, so I hope it turns out alright (I'm doing a sweet chili chicken on rice with cabbage, carrots, snap peas and mushrooms and raw broccoli as side/snack). I do enjoy cooking everything from scratch, something I haven't done in a very long time, so I'm looking forward to cooking and creating something.

What is my goal?

My friend Amy reminded me of what my ultimate goal is today. That I want to be comfortable enough with myself that I am able to date and eventually get married. I've been loosing weight due to my lack of self esteem in the key ingredient that defines romantic relationship vs. friendship, sex. About 90% of my overeating is due to loneliness and it happens at night on the couch (when I'm snuggled up with Lorne, who I love but isn't the same as a person) when I'm all alone and I know that everyone is at home with their own family. I truly believe that I would eat less if I was more social. So Amy asked me to set a different goal to try and combat my weight in a different way. She says I should have at least one date before the end of this year. Just the idea of this is terrifying. So, I'm going to start with a smaller goal. Kim and Danielle go to swing dance on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm going to start going. Meet new people. Have some fun. Interact with people I don't know (I'll have to as neither Kim nor Danielle are gentlemen).

Day 2 of being more on tract

I've had at least 3 shakes/day for the last 2 days. I worked out Thursday and today. I have plans to workout tomorrow before we float the river. My extra food is not spot on, but it's way closer that it has been.

Step by step.

Day 12 Million of not being on tract

I have done nothing since Padre except gain weight and stuff my face like the not so little piggy I am. Hence why I haven't posted. It's just embarrassing. I'm afraid people will think I'm not trying. I am such a self saboteur. I feel like that is the rut I am in. (thank you brian for helping me with this-the getting out of the rut)

They say that it takes 3-4 days of really hard work to get back on tract. So,......um....I guess I will create a goal for myself. My goal for today: Only shakes today from this time on and I can have one salad when I get home from work.

Tomorrow. Shakes only unless I go work out. If I work out I can add a salad with dressing and 4 oz of lean protein. Let's see how this goes before more goals are made.

Day 3 of new diet plan

Eating is not as easy as it sounds. I haven't been 100% on plan for the first 2 days. Partially due to lack of access to information (I have my info now) and partially due to lack of planning. I know that this section of the weight loss plan will be more difficult than the fast every was (and maintenance will be even harder). I'm learning how to eat during the next (approximately) 130 days. At least now I can incorporate food into my diet (hooray!) though I still have shakes for at least half of my meals. My calorie count has gone from 800 to 1200. This comes out to about 2 pounds lost a week. This will be a bit slower, but more enjoyable. I can go out to eat, I don't have to act a fool in public with my 'I don't eat' slogan, in other words my eating habits will appear more normal.

My planning isn't totally done yet, but I did amend my OptiHealth Log to help me with more accurate documentation and it's easier to quickly view where I am in my eating for the day. From what I understand the first 1-2 weeks are usually a little off due to the learning curve. My goal for this first week is to not put on any weight. This may be difficult if I don't watch my Na intake...even though logically I'm not interested in water weight, I have become one of those crazy women who are fixated on that number that comes up on the scale so I'm not adding Na to my food. Not really a problem since I've been a super low Na diet for the last 3 months.

Confessional: The first thing I ate: my first Torchy's green chili pork taco. All I can say is that my love of tacos persists. Freaking amazing taco!

Time for a Change of Plan

I've been unable to reach my goals of being 100% on the fast these last couple of weeks. I've lost the mental focus you need to be on a 800 calorie liquid fast. Since I am unable to achieve my goal, I've been acting like Evil Carlee and letting everything go. So, I'm changing my goal to something achievable. I'm going to transition to Opti Health starting yesterday. I want to be successful and I think If I have an achievable goal, I'm more likely to stay on track and eat what I should eat. I've learned a lot from the fast, the only thing is to remember what I learned.

So, last night for supper I had a salad from central market topped with a salmon patty. Lean and green.

If

I can't keep a promise to myself, how can I trust myself? If I can't keep a promise to myself, can I keep promises for other people? Can other people trust me? If I can't keep a promise to myself, how can I expect other people to keep my promises? Are these things important?

Shakes-Not Steaks

Thanks Chick-Fil-A for supporting me. I finally found a picture of the billboard I drive past all the time (or at least one with the same message). I love it.

not eating

Sucks! I'm back at the beginning. You know what's truly sad...all that eating and not one taco. A true tragedy.

Now that I've been kinda hovering for the last two weeks, I'm beginning to see how much farther I have to go. I think I'm starting to actually see were I am. I tend to see myself as a stylized version of who I am when I see myself in my mind. There is a discontinuity between reality and my mind and I think I may be starting to bridge that gap (only in this one area-don't get too hopeful). Don't worry, I'm really glad for how far I've come so far. But, I'm starting to see where I started and it's a lot less pretty than it was in my mind. Reality sucks. My fantasy reality is so much more rosie and fun. Unfortunately, if I want reality and fantasy to match, I have to be able to at least view reality and maybe one day I'll learn to walk in it.

Day 72

Well, last week was a bust in the weight loss area. My weight was up over 8 pounds (I did not eat 8 pounds worth of food folks, most is water weight!) at my weigh in. I'm all back on track today. Only 12 more days of fasting then...dum dum dum...I start eating again. I'm getting ready to transition to Opti Health. Half shakes half food. It's a little scary, but it should reteach me how to eat correctly. Still scary after this last week when the camel got in and then ran wild. I'll probably do Opti Health for 4 to 5 months depending on weight loss and how well/quickly I learn.

In the mean time, here's a photo of me having fun.

Self Sabotage

I'm in self sabotage mode. Something I've done to myself a lot. Unfortunately, shoveling food into my face isn't as satisfying as it used to be. It didn't make me feel any better, in fact it's made me feel worse. It didn't solve any problems (shocking I know). I feel worse about my actions. My body is unhappy with me for eating badly, the whole system is off. I'll definitely gain weight this week...I overate and I didn't work out enough. This situation reminds me of wanting a cigarette while I'm sipping my beer and watching my friends smoke, and then I take a puff of someone's and it tastes bad, makes my head hurt and doesn't give me any satisfaction.

Some positives: It doesn't give me the satisfaction it once used to(No more positive reinforcement! No rewards for bad behavior!). I know eventually, with some more work, my actions will fall into line with my new way of life and the cravings for the old way of life will fall away and become someone I once was. The other positive: I'm stopping a self sabotaging cycle before it gets away from me. Usually I just let everything fall apart through apathy and laziness. I know I'll probably do this another couple of times before I truly learn this lesson, but I feel that although my weight will move backwards, maybe my mental abilities will be moving forward?

Day 1 all over again

Uughh. So since I've been back from Padre I've been eating food. Celery and bell peppers dipped in hummus mixed with tabbouleh...yum, but bad. Bad Carlee. So, I'm pretending like today is day 1 and I'm just taking it hour by hour so that I don't nibble, taste test or just plane eat. Shaking away one shake at at time.

I also haven't worked out this week, so I figure I'll have to go after work today so that I can get back into the groove. To loose weight you have to work out. No more lamenting the end of vacation, back to the daily grind.

Day 65

I'm so freaking excited. I ate dinner with everyone all week at Padre and I was the official taste tester, so I was expecting to gain a little bit of weight. It's inevitable that in a year long process that at least a couple of weeks would be gains cause a girl can't be strong every day. Plus in my mind, eating food equals weight gain...but, I lost 2 pounds last week!!!! This makes me feel so good. It makes me believe that I can eat food in moderation and still loose weight! It makes me a little less scared of transitioning to opti-health and then to maintenance. Also, I had so much fun this last week, I'm just in a good mood.

Only 19 more days of fast!

Vacation

I would talk about what I did while at Padre...but I'm too tired. Vacation wiped me out. I'll talk later.

2/3 fast done and 2/5 goal accompished

Whoo Hoo!!! I've lost over 40 pounds in the last 2 months. My waist is now under 40 inches (I lost 2 inches this last week!). My goal for Padre was to be under 250 and while I'm not exactly under 250, I can say that I have accomplished my mini goal. I'm very happy with the work I have put in so far and the results that have come of all this hard work. I am back to the weight I was about 2 years ago, and I fit into my Margaritaville skirt again (just in time if I do say so myself).

These great results make me realize that I have to make the most of my time on the fast and not to go overboard while at Padre this week. I talked to the behaviorist about Padre and I let her know that I plan on having a drink or two one day and that I might have a few bites of real food here and there. I plan on this because I know that Padre will be a bit harder than my normal life as I don't have my normal schedule and more emphasis on food and drink as the center of attention. So the goal is to savor a bite or two but to not go overboard. I truly believe I can do this. I am really looking forward to eating a shrimp! My only worry is that I will not be working out this week like I normally do, but it's vacation and I can live with it for one week (but not 2).

Where is the glass?

Half full or half empty? I oscillate between seeing how much work I've done and how much weight I've lost and seeing how much more work I have to do, how much longer it's going to take and how much weight I still have to loose. It's uncomfortable to have my self image swing so rapidly. I feel like it should be more constant. I do swing more towards the 'full' side than the 'empty' but the 'empty' is so much harder to handle, overcome and deal with. Maybe negativity got me where I am and it's a process not to think like that anymore. All I can do is put the work in everyday.

Truth or Dare

Truth: I ate 3 bites of pizza the other day. It was heavenly. Until it hit my small intestines. I'm not sorry nor do I regret that I did it. It was sooo freakin tasty. I have one more cheat for the week...I went out last night and I had about 100 calories worth of vodka and mixers. Totally worth it too. I sweat it all out on the dance floor so I'm not too worried about it. I'm still dehydrated from all the sweating I did yesterday.

My next hurdle: we decided last night that we would squeeze 5 people and 1 beagle into one car for the trip to south padre so that we could save on gas money. So I'm going to have to squeeze my booty into the back seat with two other people. Should be interesting, or at least compressing... This means that Matilda isn't going to get her highway miles I was hoping for her. I'll have to make it up to her later this summer with a trip somewhere. I've been working on my tan for Padre so that I don't burn (and once I'm burned I'm out of the sun which is going to be my main activity as I can't eat or drink). So I'm super excited. Should be fun.

Non Scale Victory

So...yesterday as i was workin' it on the treadmill at the hancock location (all pretty people who don't actually sweat while doing cardio) and I realized this startling fact: my 1 mile time has gone from over 22 minutes to around 17 minutes (and this time includes my warm up where i'm walking slow for a minute or two, I haven't actually done a mile timed). My walking speed has increased from 3.0 to 3.6, and now I can run for a minute and a half at a speed of 5.7. Not bad eh? I can also now do 90 crunches with or without weights. I am now able to stand on one leg and balance better due to my yoga classes, but my ankles are still weak so I still have to work on that. My next goal is to be able to do the 24 lift class 2x a week for my weights and to also add a pilates class.

I got some new batteries in my heart rate monitor and the signal from the chest piece is go good now that my heart rate was broadcast to the two treadmills on either side of me too. So everyone knew exactly how hard I was working yesterday. Love the heart rate monitor!

Day 51 (only 33 days left = 1 month)

I made my appointment for my sono. It will be tomorrow. I don't know how long it takes to get the results back...they'll probably come back while I'm out of town. On the plus side, if I have to switch to optihealth, I'll be able to eat again and my dreams of eating a toco will be that much closer! Mmm, tacos.

I'm starting to get tired of the pickles I eat as my treat each week. I'm ready for something new. I can eat the same thing for a long time, but I'm beginning to think that 2 months is my limit for the monotonous repetition. Part of eating food is looking forward to the new flavors and experiences that different foods give you, and I'm missing out on that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've been having food fantasies again. I was doing really well there for the last couple of weeks, but now I'm back into my thinking about food mode again.

On a sillier side, I've been trying to get Lorne to loose weight with me (especially since 20 pounds of cat on the chest is really heavy). We've been walking (he's really lazy so it's mostly rolling in the dirt and less walking) and I've reduced the amount of food I give him. I weighed him the other day and he's still 19 pounds. I keep telling him that only 5 minutes of walking will make a positive change in his life, but he doesn't listen to me. In fact, I think he's reduced his amount of daily movement as his chow supply has decreased. There has been a marked increase in laziness and meowing. I don't know how successful Lorne will be with my goals for him; and he's going to Grandma and Grandpa's house next week and I have a sneaking suspicion that spoiling will be done. I guess all else fails, I can always use Lorne as an electric blanket.

Bittersweet

I lost an awesome 4.8 pounds this last week! I'm almost 40% of the way to my goal. I am right on target with my weight loss goals. But...there is a kink in the plan. My LFT's are still elevated (and quite a bit too). The doctor ordered blood work to rule out hepatitis and I'm getting a gallbladder sono. I don't know what this will mean for the fast. I'm assuming that no matter what the results are that I'm going to have to increase my caloric intake to help my liver and gallbladder out. Or I will end up having to have an elbow-ectomy cause it will be elbow cancer.

I've been thinking about this all day. I eat the same thing as everyone else in my group. In fact, I eat extra as I have 2-3 servings of pickles every week and I eat 6 shakes at least 2 times a week if not more. Yet, I'm loosing weight a lot faster than anyone else in my group. I think maybe my body's set weight point is so much lower than where I've been that it's really trying to reach it's homeostatic limits. There are some studies out which point to the fact that exercise during childhood will lower your body weight set point even if genetics dictate that you should be obese and I have plenty of memories of being athletic during my childhood. Then again, almost every study recently has shown that exercise will improve or completely reverse any problem. While I think this may be a contributing factor to my rapid weight loss, I'm not exactly sure exactly why my body is using up it's fat stores so quickly.

All I can do is wait for the results from the current tests and fill my mind with conjecture over the possibilities the future holds.

End week 7

Here are comparison pictures from 04/30/08 (my first pictures, but not the beginning of the fast) to today 05/26/08

Day 48

Whew...two days off! It was amazing how much I didn't do (like laundry or clean the bathroom...). One thing I did accomplish was buying a new bathing suit. Black with white polka dots. And a trial run of the suit at barton springs. The water was great btw and the boys where as hot as ever. I am noticeable more comfortable in a bathing suit than I was at Leakey in February for the jump in. I'm still a big girl in a bathing suit, but at least I know my weight is going in the right direction (for once) and not the wrong direction so I don't feel so bad about the lack of concealing clothing.

My body kinda slowed down a little last week with the weight loss. Very normal. It's traumatic on the body to loose weight this fast and we have all these homeostatic mechanisms. I wasn't very upset about my 1.8 pound weight loss last week as I was about the inch measurements I did that increased. Even though rationally I understand that my schedule was completely off due to my working nights and that it was all water weight, I was still disappointed that I gained about 1/4 to 1/2 an inch on all my measurements. But I'm making up for it this week. I think I'm going to loose around 5-6 pounds again and the resulting inches! I'll find out for sure on Tuesday so I'm looking forward to confirmation of my suspicions. I am planning for Amy (work Amy) to take another round of pictures this week, so comparison should be coming.

I'm one day away from only being 5 weeks from the end of my fast. Only one more week till I've done 2 months of fasting. Only 36 more days of fasting till I can begin my re-feeding process.

Day 45

I'm off for 2 days in a row for the first time in over a year. So enjoy the break people cause after that this chicken will be on the road again.

New Pants and a Kitchen Appliance

So I didn't buy new pants (even though I needed some, due to the store being sold out of my new smaller size) and I've been walking around for over a week now holding my pants up so they won't fall down, and I mean this literally (all my belts are still too small and I don't own a pair of suspenders hence the lack of modern technology to contain the problem). Today while I was laying around the house before work I decided to look and see if I could find a pair of pants that would fit. I didn't believe that I would have anything since I've given away almost everything I don't use since moving into a 400 square foot apartment. Well, I found one pair of khaki's at the very back of the closet...and so I tried them on. I was able to button and zip them up without sucking in or anything. I have officially gone down 6 sizes in clothes so far!!! I was a little disappointed with my weigh in this week since I didn't get one of my big numbers, but now I'm feeling a lot better. The pants are not the best cut for me. And while I fit in them with no problem, they are still a little small for me. They are wearable in public though. So they will do for now...and for the next 6 weeks!

My other excitement for the week is my latest purchase towards my maintenance. I bought a Cuisinart Griddler from a guy on Craigslist. It was like brand new and I got it for $80! This will be perfect for grilling veggies and meat while in my apartment (plus it makes a mean panini). Doesn't sound as exciting on paper as I am about this in real life, but this should be my new favorite kitchen toy once I start eating again.

Next is the new bathing suit. It may be happening this weekend with the momzer. One can only hope I don't have to try on too many to find a good one. Nothing like bathing suit shopping to make you feel self conscious.

I forgot

to eat....for about 40 minutes!!! I wasn't hungry. I wasn't thinking about food. I wasn't watching the clock for my next time to eat!!! Oh my goodness. First time for everything. This is like a little ray of sunshine on the future and the maintenance phase. I know I can finish the fast, but I'm starting to feel more confident about my ability to keep it off (something I've never accomplished).

Up to the minute reporting here with the chicken.

Half way

Today is the last day before I crest the hill and start rolling down the other side. I only wish I could raise my arms in celebrations, but alas they are so sore I can barely type (this is not one of my exaggerations I can literately feel my chest muscles being used to type due to how sore I am). Yes, I am in the throws of muscle building and there is only so much that ibuprofen can do. No one said building muscle was easy; and I don't want to metabolize all muscle and be left with all fat. So, I press on in the face of pain, hardship, famine, weight lifting classes, sweat, tears, hairballs, and beautiful summer days so that I have guns that all will covet.

Today is day 42 and I have 42 days left. Today is the end of 6 weeks! Only 42 days to go. And I've already accomplished 42, so I should be able to do this. Granted Padre will be tough with the no drinking, but I'll try to fill my time oogling boys on the beach and looking for someone to fill the position of cabana boy and sunscreen applier. After Padre I only have 3 weeks and it should be a steeper down hill from there cause food will be on the horizon. This is all I can type today...I must rest and drink more water.

Day 41

Last night was hard. I was awake all day and then did a night shift at work. I was awake almost 20 hours...and I only had 6 shakes. It didn't help that I had to be back at work at 1pm after getting off at 7a. I worked it out so I could leave early yesterday morning and I got here a couple of hours late so I could get enough sleep.

So I went to the 24Lift class (Without Kim :(. There was a car mishap, but we will workout together one day). An hour of repetitious weight lifting with variations on how fast you lift (one count vs. 2 count vs. what ever the instructor says....) with low or medium weights (One of our most popular classes, this highly efficient, full-body 24 Hour Fitness signature workout utilizes barbells and hand weights to strengthen and sculpt all muscle groups.). Whew...after 35 minutes I had to leave the room cause I was getting queasy and a little lightheaded. I don't know if it was due to my low calorie diet or I know on the biggest loser they always talk about how when you use fat as an energy source during exercise the toxins in your body from metabolism build up and cause nausea. Either way, I was there. So I sat and drank some water and then after 10 minutes or so I went back in and finished the class. What a trooper. Over all, the class was phenomenal. I would totally do it again. And eventually one day I'll be able to do the whole hour...until then I'll keep trying.

So going back in to finish the lifting class was not my stupidest move of the day (nor was working out for 2 hours and staying up all day before I had to stay up all night to work...) Staying after 24Lift to do Yoga was my stupidest move yesterday. I am so committed to doing yoga that I did it yesterday also. I don't know what I was thinking. I am starting to wonder if toxins were crossing my blood brain barrier causing addled minded thinking or if the toxins caused me to forget how I couldn't move after my last yoga class (not to mention how you feel after lifting weights for the first time in a long time)...but today I'm back on my water and ibuprofen diet. The moral of the story: Carlee still has a long way to go before she learns how not to over do it.

Goal

These are from 2001 (back right after I turned of age to drink alcohol) with my signature burgundy black hair color. I don't know what I weighed back then, but I'm thinking that this is around what I think I want my goal weight to be. It's probably around 200 lbs (I still have those swimmer arms in these pictures and I may never have those again)

Liver function elevated

So my first months blood work came back...and my LFT's are elevated. The nurse says to drink more water to help my liver. I'm already drinking 2 Liters in addition to the fluid in the shakes...and I make my shakes with extra water. I'm peeing every hour if not more...even at night. I wake up 3-4 times a night to pee...and now I have to drink more! My toilet paper usage has already increased three fold. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to drink more water cause I don't want to hurt my liver. Also, they will recheck my LFT's in about 2 weeks. I'm thinking that I will have to drink more in the mornings than the evenings to help with getting a good nights sleep. Not only am I worried about my increased peeing, but I also worry that if my LFT's don't go down I'll have to go off the fast. I don't know if they would let me do the Optihealth (shakes with one lean and green meal a day = to about 1000 cals/day) at least until my liver is back to healthy place. I know I don't love the fast, but I don't feel ready to eat real food again.

On the opposite side of the spectrum...they also tested my glucose level. Well, I had eaten a shake right before the doctor saw me. Then I had my blood drawn after the doctor, so maybe 30-40 minutes after eating: dum dum dum; my blood sugar was only 113!!! That's super exciting. It didn't spike after eating! So I'm thinking that maybe my insulin sensitivity is gone for the moment. I know that to keep it gone I still have some work to put in, but it's nice to know the adverse effects are already being repaired.

On the down side: I haven't worked out in like 5 days...I've been enjoying my post school laziness and so I've done nothing. Lucky for me, Kim texted me this morning about working out tomorrow. Of course I'm taking her up on the offer and we will be trying out a new class together. We have one small snag so far, neither of us wants to make the final decision as to which class we do. I'm sure it will work out though. Plus I am going to try out my new yoga mat tomorrow. 2nd yoga class. I've got my ibuprofen ready.

side by side comparison

then (my birthday this year) vs. now (5/12/08) (btw: I'm doing my America's Next Top Model pose hence the fabness)





conclusion: I still wear my hair the same...(don't worry the haircut and color is on the list of rewards, it's just going to be after the 12 weeks)

The whole pickle truth

So every week now I have a few ounces of pickles about twice a week (this is less than 30 calories extra per day). This is my pickle confessional. So after the first pickle incident I kept going. I just couldn't help but wonder how 20-30 calories of pickles could make or break my fast. Obviously it isn't affecting my weight loss at all. I found these awesome locally made pickles at central market. They are supper tasty, especially after only eating shakes.

I so just want to start eating again soooo badly. I still have 7 more weeks. I calculated my BMR (basal metabolic rate) for my height, age and target weight...and it comes out to 1950 calories/day. That is the number of calories I can eat in a day and still maintain my weight, and that's doesn't include calories burned during exercise. While I'm sitting here only eating 800 cal/day that number looks so do-able. 1950/5=390 calories per meal (so much more than 160 calories a meal!).

I want to eat, but I'm sticking out the fast. All diets have about the same success rate of loosing and maintaining weight loss(and it's less than quiting smoking...scary huh?) and so it's all about the work you put into it...and if they all have the same success rate I'm sticking with the program with the fastest results. That means 7 more weeks of fast...then I can start my refeed and maintenance.

Day 32

Shout out to my Mom and Penny. The only 2 people who actually read my blog and comment. Y'all have been very supportive and the comments are helpful. I read through them on tough days. I just sold back my books after I confirmed my A's, so I have some extra cash...I would normally buy y'all a beer or something, but that wouldn't be very fun for me. So instead I'm shouting out.

So my non scale victory of the week. After I took my physio final, I finished so fast, I decided to go to the gym for just 26 minutes, no weights or ab exercises ( I had to study for an assessment exam this morning). I always push the random button on the treadmill and this time I got a session that had almost no incline except a couple of inclines of only 1-2 (very low for those who don't treadmill). I was working hard, especially since it had been about 5 days since my last workout and I had the speed cranked due to the lack of incline, but my heart rate was only around 138 (which is too low for me, my aerobic zone is higher)....ssooooo I decided to run the last minute and a half. I cranked the speed up to 4.5...then 4.7...then 5.4 and I did it. I got my heart rate up to 170 and I was breathing hard, finally, and it didn't hurt to run. I was very happy. Now, all I have to do is get some new shoes.

I also made an appointment today for my first massage. It will be next Thursday. I figure that will all the free time I'll have once schools out, I'm going to exercise more, so I'll probably need it by Thursday. I'm excited. I'm expecting to enjoy every minute (all 60 minutes) of it.

One Month

After one month of fasting: I have lost inches (don't know how many as I was too afraid to take my measurements at the beginning), I have lost 8.7% of my total body weight, and my BMI is now below 40 (it's 39.63 as of Tuesday). 40 is the cut off between morbid obesity and plain old obesity. All super results for just 28 days. Plus I'm 1/3 of the way through the fast. Only 8 more weeks....then the hard part begins, maintenance.

These last few days have been easier (despite my taco thoughts). I've been able to watch TV without watching the clock counting down minute by minute till my next shake. I've actually had a few episodes where for a few hours I actually don't think about food. In no way is this fast 'old hat', but I do think my behavior is changing for the better and I think I'm getting better. I'm still terrified of maintenance and my ability to manage my eating for the next 39 years. I have taken some steps already to help me with maintenance. I ordered a calorie counter book, a kitchen scale and a bathroom scale with the bio impedance for fat percentage. Some tools to help me measure my progress and keep up with maintenance.

I know I've done such good work, but I'm about to have a taco meltdown. I haven't gone this long without a taco in years. All I can think about are tacos. I even think about blending tacos to put in my shakes. Taco Deli, Taco Bueno, Polvos, Taco Bell, Taco Cabanna, Torchy's Tacos, Taco stands, Maria's Taco Xpress, Guero's Taco Bar, BBQ tacos, Changos, Chipotle, Wahoo fish tacos, taco sauce, taco seasoning, taco meat, breakfast taco, dessert taco, tacos, tacos, tacos, tacos...they are everywhere but with me. It's so sad. I'm not going to cheat. I just want a taco. It's just cruel.

I haven't worked out in like 4 days, and I probably won't exercise until Saturday. Too much studying. I've already gotten one A...now I just need a few more, then back to the treadmill.

I've lost inches!!!

So I've gone from a chest somewhere between 42 to 44 inches (I didn't want to know so I didn't measure at my heaviest) and now I'm down to 40 inches! That is amazing!!! I was so excited I had to share even though it's not my normal day to post. I still have a couple of inches to loose in my chest (probably about 3-4 more) but I'm half way there!!! I haven't done the rest of my inch measurements for today...I had to come to school to study, but I'll do them tonight.

Also, after my weigh in today, I'm down 12% of my origional weight!!! They say that 5-10% makes a dramatic difference in your health and I've done that! I'm really encouraged today and I'm feeling like all my hard work has resulted in some super noticable changes after just this first month of my fast.

DAY 28...END OF 4 WEEKS= 1MONTH!!!!

I didn't think I would make it through the first week and here I am 4 weeks later. (Technically, I started on the 8th which would make one month in 3 days....but one shouldn't think of things like that.) This is not my only accomplishment this week. I haven't bitten my nails in a while. At least for a week or two. Maybe this is a sign of my decreased emotional need to put things in my mouth? Or maybe it's just that my fingers don't taste good now that they are shake flavored? Or maybe I'm getting enough fiber already cause it's shedding season and I've already had my fill of cat hair? I have one more accomplishment: I have to buy a new bra and pants. Doesn't sound spectacular until....dum dum dum...you hear that my old bra is too big (as opposed to worn out). And it's too big around not too big in cup size (the better of the two if I can say so). As for my jeans, I can almost pull them down without unbuttoning them, actually I may be able to pull them off without unbuttoning but I haven't tried. So I may have to , gasp, shop this Saturday. I'm thinking of going shorts instead of jeans for the summer. So, I'm doing very well with my fast (even though I might kill someone for a breakfast taco)! I am kinda looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow (kinda sick I know) because I really want to know definitively how I did this week.

Yesterday was hard. I had to work a 16 hour shift, which means you're at work for like 18 hours, plus I knew I would be awake for a bit after I got home. This was the longest day I've had since I've started my fast. I had to space out my meals more than usual which made for a very hungry day. I made it through though. Today I work my first 12 hour shift since I've started my fast, but after yesterday it kinda feels like a nice breeze (or is that from my fake vacation I'm planning to Fiji...did you know it's only $1500 dollars for round trip airfare and 15 nights at a hotel?). I've also had pharmacology and physiology to keep me busy these last two days. (Three tests this week!)

Everyone will probably be happy to know that I am able to move my core again without extreme pain. I knew my core was weak, but I didn't realize how weak. I am also, apparently, not vary flexible. I thought I was fairly flexible. This proves that thoughts don't matter...reality does? I guess what I really wonder: How many classes before the next day immobility goes away? 6? 8? Hopefully not more than that. Maybe I'll use one of my free passes and take my mom one Saturday (12-1p).

So early someone was coming home from the bar as I was leaving for work

OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I took my first yoga class yesterday, it was a yoga stretch class. I figure yoga's really good for core strength, breathing techniques and it's nice and low impact so it should be perfect for me while I'm on my super low calorie diet. I left the class feeling fine. I was able to do the entire class no problem. After about an hour and a half I started to feel a little muscle fatigue but I thought it was just because I hadn't been home to eat yet....then I woke up this morning. I am so sore I can barely move. I think I engaged my smooth muscles and skeletal muscles of my core during the class!!! My stomach hurts soooooo freaking bad. Kim warned me and I didn't believe her. Now I'm living on water and ibuprofen.

success event

So I was super stressing over my physiology test this week. My professor moved the test up 5 days and I was unprepared. She did a lecture that went over 2 whole chapters (endocrinology and reproductive system...a LOT of info), she did the female reproductive system in 5 minutes but we were expected to know everything, this was a tuesday and our test was thursday of the same week. I almost started crying in class. I was able to wait until I got to my car at least. So, I am not normally a crier. The whole way home I was just frustrated and mad and all I could think was that I wasn't going to get an A in my class and that I couldn't even eat. Once I got home I just cried and cried and cried and Lorne licked my face and tried to lick my eyeballs, he was very supportive. But then, I just got up, brushed myself off and started studying. I was still very frustrated and upset, but I studied anyways. So I took my test yesterday...and I think I got a low A or a high B on it (I only need an 86 to make an A in my class). I was elated afterwards. I had studied enough, or as much as a person can in 48 hours, I had done very well on my test, and I didn't go off my diet!!! I'll find out my grade on tuesday.

After my test yesterday I hung out with my bffs. Danielle made me tea (super supportive) while they had some beers. We got to just hang, relax and enjoy Danielle's new place. It made a perfect ending to my stress for the week cause I have the bestest friends.

So the moral of this story: hissy fits are better for me than eating when my emotions get out of control.

This one's for Penny: So every one has seen my unflattering vacation photo from Leakey this febuary. Here's a current picture (down almost 20 pounds) taken by one of my office mates (she didn't tell me when to smile):



it's hard to tell from the photo, but my clothes are looser and I've lost inches. And my back's not always at that crazy angle (pic 2)...

Week 3 was a sucess.

I lost 2 pounds. I lost a couple of inches too. I don't have time today to enter in the data, but probably Friday. Here's last weeks data.

Date	4/22	4/23	4/24	4/25	4/26	4/27	4/28
Shakes:	1100	1200	1200	1200	1145/1230	1220	0930
	1430	1515	1445	1500	1500	1510	1150/1245
	1800	1830	1845	1830	1830	1810	1615
	2100	2230	2130	2220	2200	2210	2010
	0000	0030	0000	0000	2310	0000	2245
	XXX	XXX	XXX	0030	0010	0130	0030
Cheat?	Y-25cal pickle	N	N	N	N	N	N
2L H2O	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y
Exercise:	Y	N	Y	N	Y	N	Y
Vitamins	Y	N	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y
Caffeine mg	0	0	0	0	0	0	0

.........Weight.... Loss...... % ........total % loss... BMI

2	277.0	5.6	1.98	5.46	40.90
3	275.0	2	0.72	6.14	40.61

I'm very busy. My physio test 4 was moved up 5 days!!! And I'm not prepared for the test tomorrow. 48 hours notice just isn't enough...

End of week 3!

I had a super great workout today. It was post test and pre work. I got on the treadmill and rocked it for my 20 minutes of cardio. I was able to do most of my workout at a 3.5-3.6 pace! This is up from my usual 3.2-3.4. I also always finish with a minute and half of 4.0 pace...my little legs moving like something from a acme cartoon, or like Rocket when you try to chase him on a wood floor. Granted I was at a different location than my normal and they had a different machine than I usually use, but whatever.

I got an 88 on my pharmacology test today. I'm still not quite up to my normal brain speed...and I've had an extra shake for the last 3 nights while I'm studying. But, I will still make an A in the class overall. I've made such high grades all semester that I can make C's on my last tests (in both classes) and still make an A's (don't worry Mom, doesn't mean I'm going to slack). The extra leeway makes it so I don't have to worry as much about my brain function while dieting. Did y'all know that the brain cannot store glucose. So you have to have good blood glucose levels for it to diffuse into the brain so that you can maximize brain function. The best way to get glucose into the blood...is eating. Well, I'm only eating 800, well with 6 shakes it's up to 960 calories, a day. So I have to plan my studying around my eating too. Only 4 more tests for this semester.

Weigh in tomorrow. Can't wait to see how I've done this week. All those thoughts of frito pie...I wonder if they'll show up on the scale? I also have the second half of my first treat for doing so well. I have my hour long spa manicure. Should be nice an relaxing, I know the pedicure was. I'll let everyone wait with anticipation until Wednesday. Until then, this is one chicken who is crossing the road signing off.

Day 20

I don't know if It's because I'm stressed out this week or what, but I don't feel like I've lost weight this week. I had multiple days where I was just really craving eating in the evenings. I didn't eat anything, but I did have 6 shakes/ soups on two of those days instead of 5. It's the intellectual answer instead of the 'eat everything in site' answer, plus it's only 160 calories. I think another contributing factor is that there were obvious changes in my body the first two weeks and I can't tell if there are changes in my body this week. I don't know if my perception of my body has changed, maybe I've already forgotten how I looked 3 weeks ago. I know I've lost weight, but my body proportions make me look really overweight this week. I still have the rest of today and tomorrow and Tuesday morning...so still time until my weigh in.

Accomplishment: Through all this uncertainty and stress I haven't cheated or done anything not on my diet. I've also exercised 3 times already this week! So while stressed, I've still succeeded.

Day 18

I may not post as much for the next 2 weeks...I have 5 tests from the 28th through the 9th. I've gotta finish my semester and I'll be spending a lot of time studying (and walking on the treadmill at the gym to alleviate all the stress of studying).

I just made an appointment for a deluxe aveda spa pedicure and manicure from Maximum FX Salon and Spa. It's my reward for doing so well on my first two weeks. I'm really looking forward to my little treat. My next reward will be a massage! I've never had one, but I feel that I will deserve one after a few more weeks of successful weight loss (and finals!).

I'm off to study. Should be fun. See everyone after a while...

End of Week 2!

So I lost 5.6 lbs. last week! Here's my log from last week. Truth in reporting, you heard it here first.

Date	4/15	4/16	4/17	4/18	4/19	4/20	4/21
Shakes:	1030	1200	1030	1100	1150	1210	1120/1230
	1430	1500	1315	1410	1520	1510	1515
	1800	1800	1630	1730	1840	1840	1830
	2100	2230	2100	2230	2150	2210	2300
	2330	0030	0010	0040	0030	0010	0100
	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Cheat?	N	N	Y slurpee 80cal	N	N	Y-15 cal pickles	N
2L H2O	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y
Excersise	N	N	N	N	Y	N	Y
Vitamins	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y	Y
Caffeine mg	0	0	40mg	40mg	0	0	0

Here are some even better stats!!! The following data is my own creation also. It's helping show me the direct consequences of my actions. I figured out how to create the formulas in excel so that all I need to put in every week is my new weight from my Tuesday weigh-in. Nice eh? (in 2 parts to fit)

Week	Date:	Weight	Weight Loss
	04/08/08	293
1	04/15/08	282.6	10.4
2	04/22/08	277.0	5.6
3	04/29/08		277
4	05/06/08		0

% Loss Week	% Loss Total	BMI	Comment
		43.26	Starting Weight
3.55	3.55	41.73	Nice Start!!!!
1.98	5.46	40.90	Keep Going Carlee!!! Don't stop now!!!
		0.00
		0.00

I talked to Jennie (she's the behaviorist) yesterday at weigh in about working out and finals. She told me not to eat a lean and green (lean and green= lean protein with green veggies) meal during finals, but to just eat one to two extra shakes each day. She warned me that if you do go off the fast that it is usually harder to resume than the first time. Which makes sense. Those pickles I ate gave me a hankering for more eating, hard core hankering! It was like week one all over again. So extra shakes it is. (I was sooo looking forward to one of the chicken cesar salads from Central Market during finals...Guess I'll have to wait the whole 12 weeks.)

Today is the second day of the third week. I just keep plugging away one day at a time.

I cheated

Last night. I ate 9 pickle slices for a total of 15 calories. The worst part of it is that pickles have tons of salt. Nancy from work told me that if I was going to cheat why did I choose pickles? It was totally worth it. I got to chew. It wasn't sweet. All that vinegar!!! It felt awesome. I did feel bad for cheating until I realized I didn't go out and eat a whole cake, I didn't do anything that's bad for me. I just ate some pickles. I am worried. Today is the last day of week two and I'll probably retain water now for my weigh in tomorrow. The price you pay for pickles I guess.

I did go to the gym today before work. I did 26 minutes (22 minute workout and 4 min warm down) on the treadmill with an average HR of 155 (I forgot my heart rate monitor so this is an average of spot checks from the exercise machine). I worked out some of my stress and some of that extra salt and water. Last time I worked out I was very hungry afterwards (very normal for me) but I had eaten a shake right before I worked out to make sure I had enough energy for the workout...so this time I ate half of the shake before the workout and half afterwards. It's a little better. I think I worked out too hard. But overall I feel better post walk.

Day 13

I've been watching some biggest loser Australia today. Much better than the US version. Not all sensationalizing and what not, they are actually nice to each other and help each other. But it's nice to watch others going through weight loss and see them struggle every day too (Australia shows more of the process). It's perversely encouraging and helps give me strength.

I went to the gym yesterday and did 20 minutes on the treadmill at a medium intensity, my ave heart rate was only 146. It was nice. It did make me feel better. I overslept today and I didn't go. I need to work on getting to bed earlier, but it's hard for me to go to sleep that early. Excuses....I have to get over them. More exercise this week! Less excuses more waking up!

Already Dreaming of Failure

At night I'm having problems getting to sleep. I lay away for hours thinking about food. Food that would ruin all my hard work. Food that I know is bad. I try to decide what my first meal will be once I'm off the fast. My first thoughts are never for it to be something healthy. So, I'll try to change what I'm thinking about. So I'll think about healthy foods. All I can do is think about what I'm not having even thought I'm not hungry. All these thoughts are not conducive to long term change. I'm already thinking about sabotaging my hard work once I'm into maintenance.

Last night I realized something. All these foods I think about are in the same portion size that got me here. None of the foods I've been thinking about are truly that bad for me, it's the amount I want to eat that is truly unhealthy. I not thinking about 5 wings and salad. It's 20 wings and a salad. It's not a taco or two...it's 6 tacos. It's not just a simple salad with lots of veggies, it's cheating with salad for days on end while on my fast. I have never dreamed so longingly for the chance to eat a salad. (The first week of transition you add back veggies one or two at a time.)

I've been stressed lately and my food obsession is coming out more and more as my stress level keeps increaseing as finals week approaches and as my application date approaches. I don't have food to fall back on to make me feel good. To make me feel full. I didn't start exercising on Tuesday like I thought. They said to wait another week, plus I had a test on Thursday and with my diet my brain's not as functional as usual, it's been preoccupied with food thoughts. But, I think with my stress level rising, I'm going to have to do something!!!

The good news is that I haven't acted. I keep taking it one day at a time. I'm missing my sleep, but I'm not hungry. This sounds very strange, but to motivate myself I look in the mirror. The face is one of the first things to change when you loose weight, so I'll look at myself and see that my face has changed. Then I'll think about the changes to come. I think about being able to buy a pair of jeans from a store other than Lane Bryant. I think about my new swim suit I want to buy in 6 weeks (right before Padre). I think that 12 weeks is not forever, no matter how long it may feel in the moment. And I think that I'm not giving anything up for forever. It's just a matter of moderation. Portion control. I think about the fact that my body is burning fat at this moment....and why would I want to stop that by eating something that would upset this process.

I think they lie. I don't think this gets any easier the longer I go. But then again, I didn't know if I would make it the first week and look at me on day 11. Only time will tell.

Weigh In

So I had my first weigh in. I lost 9.6 lbs. Some of that is water weight from the reduction of my sodium, but I'm choosing to ignore that fact for right now and just enjoying the fruits of my labors for the last week. So this was exciting.

The counseling session is a group session...apparently about 2/3rds of the people who normally come to that group were missing yesterday (the group gossip guessed they had not done their taxes?). The few people who were there were all old ladies who ramble on and on and on and on and on and on and on, and not about health related issues. I wasn't even introduced to the group until the very end of group. It was interesting to say the least. I still learned stuff at the meeting, don't get me wrong.

I had a great evening after group. I got chicken broth and tomato broth to go with my strawberry and chocolate shakes. I had chicken broth for dinner last night. The skies parted, choir sang, I was in heaven after eating sweet 5 times a day for 8 days and now I got to eat something savory. I was so excited I had chicken broth for two meals last night. I was able to add dried herbs and pepper to it (no salt) and I don't think I can explain how happy it made me. Normally I eat the same thing for one to two weeks, no problem. I just don't eat a whole lot of sweets in my pre diet diet. The sweet factor has been rough. Even though it was amazing, I've decided to keep my soup options for the days when I'm going crazy and don't think I can do it any more. They will be kinda like a safety. At least for now. We'll see how I do. No mater what I sometimes think, two weeks of strict diet isn't too much to ask...at least in theory.

End of Week ONE!!!!

I made it this far. Maybe I can make it. Maybe my will is greater than the shake. I've been hungry today. I don't know why. Look for my ticker to finally move tomorrow...or actually wed after I come to work.

I was a little over enthusiastic in shaking my shake and threw my brunch on the floor and broke my container...spilling half of my brunch. I'm thinking I'll have one extra shake today to make up for it. I think this stressed me out. After this I was supper cranky, had a headache and was hungry! The second half of today has been my worst day yet. I don't know what happened. I felt fine this morning, but now...I'm a bear to be around.

Tomorrow is going to be my first weigh in and counseling session. Should be interesting.

I'm excited to start exercising again...you know I am paying for it and all. I plan on just doing some treadmill walking for 20-30 minutes the first week and some core exercises of course. After that I can increase it slowly to let my body adjust to the exercise on such a low calorie diet. Eventually I would like to do spin class and 24 hour fitness has a circuit class that's an hour. It looks like it's kinda from the biggest loser.

Day 6

I was able to eat dinner with my family last night. There were a few moments in there where I was about to leap across the table to grab a shrimp and eat one or two (my mom made shrimp boil with all these veggies and a crusty loaf of bread and a beer to wash it all down!!!) I was starring into the dish with the shrimps with the smell of horseradish in my nose while clutching my water bottle.

My mom gave me a special glass to put my shake in. Eating with my family, while a little difficult, is still better than eating alone at home!

I'm almost done with week one and I am looking forward to the weigh in on Tuesday. I feel like my body has changed already and some hard numbers to back that up would make me feel better.

Day 4

Things have gotten better. I no longer wake up hungry nor do I get hungry unless I eat greater than about 3 and a half hours apart. My information session at ACC today went over and caused me to have to wait 4 hours in between meals and I was overwhelmed with hunger. It's time for my third meal today and the hunger from earlier today is still with me. I haven't been too cranky so far. I have had a few headaches. The doctor told me not to work out this week, so cranky may come next week when I start exercising again. Moral of this story: Hunger shouldn't be a problem for the next 80 days.

Eating every 3 hours is the lesson learned so far. Lots of little meals are better than a few large ones. Apparently the human body is set up like a grazing machine. It's not designed to have large gaps between feedings. My little regime I've got going is helping to modify my behavior to do this.

I've got my Optifast Log going pretty good. (I've already created an exercise log and it's pretty spiffy if I do say so myself.) My next task is to create something to log when I'm thinking about food, but not hungry, and why I feel that way. It's next on the list, I haven't really started forming it yet. I am thinking about food constantly it seems. I'm not hungry, so some it is from my bad eating habits. Times and places I usually eat, some is just cause I miss eating.

Date	4/8	4/9	4/10	4/11	4/12	4/13	4/14
Shakes:		0845	1200	1130
		1145	1515	1530
	1800	1500	1830	1845
	2100	1900	2220
	0000	2250	0110
	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX	XXX
Cheat?	ate before meeting	N	N
2L H2O	Y	Y	Y
Excersise	N	N	N	N	N	N	N
Vitamins	N	N	Y
Caffeine mg	N	N	40mg

Overall, I think there's already a change in my body shape. I'm going to ask Sean when he gets back into town cause he hasn't seen me since I started Tuesday. I meant to take a before picture and maybe a weekly picture to help me see what was going on (to help with motivation), but I forgot the before. I'll have to make do with all after pictures I guess. My jeans fit better...but I can't wait for the day I get to go buy a new pair of jeans. I know it won't be for a couple of weeks, but I anticipate.